Funny how just a few months changes things so drastically.

I just went back and re-read the first entry of this blog. As I wrote that, I had no idea that untangling myself from First Christian would prove....impossible. While I don't worship there on the weekends (and on the two times I have been there since that entry was written, my decision was only further reinforced), for the past 5 months I've been employed there.

Yes, I know. I did just say that. In the words of one of my closest friends, one who more than understands the whole thing, "Wait, you're working at THAT church?!"

Things there seem to finally be coming to a fork in the road, and I feel that in all He is teaching me, God is leading me the way that my heart has longed for since before I ever started the job. I may not know what job, or even what kind of job I will be working in next, but I'm really learning a sense of the things that I can no longer compromise on. I'm going to compiling a list as I pray, study, and think, and hopefully I can publish that on here soon.

This past week has been so refreshing as I once again getting a glimpse of the big picture, catching more of the vision...which had been sorely missing for the past few months. Things seem (emphasis on "seem")to keep staying the same in regards to the little pieces of the big picture, but I can see how big picture (or as someone defined it last night (Jen?), my worldview) is setting the stage for the smaller components, like job, location, relationships, money, etc.

To bed I go for now, but I actually started writing this blog to talk about the house church, but that hasn't happened yet!

Funny how just a few months changes things so drastically.

I just went back and re-read the first entry of this blog. As I wrote that, I had no idea that untangling myself from First Christian would prove....impossible. While I don't worship there on the weekends (and on the two times I have been there since that entry was written, my decision was only further reinforced), for the past 5 months I've been employed there.

Yes, I know. I did just say that. In the words of one of my closest friends, one who more than understands the whole thing, "Wait, you're working at THAT church?!"

Things there seem to finally be coming to a fork in the road, and I feel that in all He is teaching me, God is leading me the way that my heart has longed for since before I ever started the job. I may not know what job, or even what kind of job I will be working in next, but I'm really learning a sense of the things that I can no longer compromise on. I'm going to compiling a list as I pray, study, and think, and hopefully I can publish that on here soon.

This past week has been so refreshing as I once again getting a glimpse of the big picture, catching more of the vision...which had been sorely missing for the past few months. Things seem (emphasis on "seem")to keep staying the same in regards to the little pieces of the big picture, but I can see how big picture (or as someone defined it last night (Jen?), my worldview) is setting the stage for the smaller components, like job, location, relationships, money, etc.

To bed I go for now, but I actually started writing this blog to talk about the house church, but that hasn't happened yet!

I have such a crazy attitude, temper, lack of patience. But I also have a lack of confrontational skills, and of backing down too easy at times...sigh.

Mold me and use me Lord, correct these things that are going so very much out of control. I love You. Amen.

What is with men who don't fight fair?!

Love...

Romantic love has been on my mind a lot lately.

Watching several friends teetering on the brink of new relationships makes me smile, makes me so happy for them! And reading a wonderful, yet heartbreaking book of love that pursue whole-heartedly, and redeems completely, makes me whistful.

I can't help but wonder when my turn will come? Will it be soon? Is there some sort of checklist I need to accomplish first? Most days, I am completely fine, happy with being single for now, so grateful to have the chance to accomplish things that I couldn't have done in a serious relationship, and having been given the chance to learn so much more about where God is leading me, changing and molding my beliefs on a plethora of things, and simply build many new and stronger relationships.

Along the way I can see how He is gradually teaching me new things, new skills, new responsibilities, new ideas, new freedoms. As hard as it was to get to that point, I see that to have a relationship before these foundational stones are laid in place would be dangerous, too soon. I've been told that I guard my heart too much (the commenter later realized that the guarding of hearts is a good thing), but I also seek to guard the heart of the man that the Father wants me to be in a relationship with. I so desire for these hopes, dreams, desires, to be on God's perfect timetable. Not a day too soon, not a touch too early. While I welcomed the recent stirrings of my heart after a while of quietness, and I sometimes fight back when God gently reminds my day-dreaming heart that it is not my dreams I am longing for, I know that my heart does not have a clue what it is doing aside from God's direction and protection!

And what freedom is given in the realization that no matter how far my heart (or anyone's) might stray, He will always come be there, with arms wide open, running after His lost lamb. While i would much rather stay by His side, I know that He will provide and guide even if our hearts lead us astray, and above all, wherever He leads.

Abba, guide and direct, and tame these dreams and desires if they aren't a part of your plan! AMEN!